Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
