My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
