You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
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my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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