problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
