I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
