I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
