After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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