apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
