Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
