that's an acceptable place to lick
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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