just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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