What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
