she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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