Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
