so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
