i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize