I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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