I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
