So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
