We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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