found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
