turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
