The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
