end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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