this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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