I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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