My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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