Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
