I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
