we have pet lesbian snakes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
