i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
