Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
