Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
