In the future we'll all be gay
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
send nudes
from the living room?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
