i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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