You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
