Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dick very happy bro
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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