At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
