Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
