Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
