can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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