do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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