i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
