I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
