If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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