I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
