You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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