i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
