I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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