Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
