Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
