That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
