Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
