I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
