I think I can smell my own vagina right now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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