I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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