i just had sex bonerless
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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