i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
