She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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