Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
