His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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