In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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