I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
