I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
