So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
