i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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