if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
