just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
