what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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