somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
