I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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