just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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