I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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