And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
