I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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