i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mom said you looked used
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
