i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me