Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her