don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
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He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?