chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I understand Curling. That high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.