His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together