The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.